Dreaming

A good friend of mine and phenomenal Christian Fiction author, Lisa Heaton, has just published her 4th book!  I have had the absolute privilege of being a small part of the process by pre-reading for her.  Although she is always insistent that the version I read and the final copy are worlds apart, I firmly hold fast to the opinion that even her rough drafts are fantastic!  Anyway, in the wake of this newest book release, God is opening some really BIG doors for Lisa, her books, and her ministry.  It is truly inspiring to watch and humbling to have even played the tiniest part.  But as I think about her journey, opportunities, and successes, I find myself feeling a tad bit lost.  I have dreams.  BIG dreams. Dreams that I know God has given me that I have yet to see played out.  I see glimpses of what I want or where I feel God is calling me to go; but as I try to move, uncertainty seems to wash over me like a flood.  I'm pretty sure it's the way the 11 Disciples felt when Peter hoisted his leg up and over the side of the boat in his quest to meet Jesus on the stormy sea.

Then I read a post that Lisa wrote to her mom this week: 

"To my mom, 

As I sit here having my quiet time this morning, I think of you. You are my biggest cheerleader and fan! You believe in me even when I'm most discouraged. Thank you for being so proud of me and way too often telling me so. There's some need we all have within to know our parents are proud of us. You never leave me wondering. Because of you I am the crazy dreamer I am. I love you and am proud to be your daughter."


I miss this.  I need this.  

Now, don't get me wrong.  My husband is a huge "cheerleader & fan" of all that I do.  He encourages my dreaming and is even an amazing "problem solver" when it comes to doing the dreams.  But I think that there's just something about your mother being in your corner that can give you a confidence and inspiring nudge unlike anything or anyone else. 


So right now I find myself hanging out in the middle of missing my own mom and her dream inspiring in my life and trying so desperately to be that dream inspirer for my boys.  Jonah is a Junior in High School.  We are investigating colleges and majors and talking and praying daily about what God has in store for his future.  I'm hoping that everything that I say and do to this end helps him to follow hard after the dreams God has given him.  I pray that he would be more like Peter, and step out of the boat.  I remember being in his place - with the desire to pursue music and be a band director - and my mom encouraged me to go to the best school for that.  We prayed and we searched and we prayed some more and I went to college 9 hours away from home.  Crazy!  But I didn't go to college to be with my friends, or because it was the best party school, or because it was the place everyone else thought I should go, or even because it was my favorite school (Go Noles!).  I went there because it was the best Music Ed School and environment to foster and develop my dreams.  That's what I want for Jonah...because I'm his mom.  I am his biggest cheerleader and fan!  


I guess it just seems easier to encourage, support, and spur on someone else toward their dreams than to move toward my own.  And I have some new, totally different, CRAZY big dreams right now.  I know that they are from God because they're WAY outside of my comfort zone...I just wish that my dream inspiring mom was here to cheer me on.  


So to my mom, in the words of one of my favorite authors, I would say: 

As I sit here typing this blog post tonight, I think of you.  You were always my biggest cheerleader and fan!  You believed in me even when I was most discouraged.  Thank you that you were always  proud of me and way too often told me so.  There's some need we all have within to know our parents are proud of us.  You never left me wondering.  Because of you I am the crazy dreamer I am.  I love you and am proud to be your daughter.  



Now to step out of the boat...