During this month, I have been going through a couple of different Advent devotionals and scripture readings. Yesterday morning my reading centered on the song, The Little Drummer Boy.  I was immediately captivated, as my youngest was preparing to play the drum solo in this particular tune at church.  I had never really thought much about this Christmas song before, other than its inclusion of percussion.  In looking at this song more closely, I was challenged by this young lad's sincere act of worship.    

The Little Drummer Boy is not part of the Biblical Nativity, however the lyrics speak truth about all who come before the Messiah to worship. As you probably know, the song tells of a poor boy who gets invited to go and see the new born King.  The boy goes along, but as the others place their fine gifts before baby Jesus, he is overwhelmed by his lack.  He has no gift that is fit for the King.  He has nothing...just his drum.

So with the only thing he has - with everything he has, he offers to play for the King.  He plays his drum for Him.  He plays his very best for Him. And I think that this is the essence of worship, of surrender:  To stand before the King of kings and realize that we have nothing to offer Him.  We have nothing worthy, yet we will offer Him what we do have - everything we have. In our emptiness, we pour out our gifts and talents.  We give Him all that we are. We give Him our very best.  And whatever it is, however meek we feel the gift, when given in true surrender, is pleasing to the King.

As I approach the manger this Christmas season, I pray that I will continue to be affected by His majesty, and in my emptiness, offer Him all that I have...  

"Me and my drum."

Mother's Day

Mother's Day has been a somewhat conflicting Sunday for me for many years now. I have been a mother for about 18 yrs - but I have been without my own mother for almost 15 of those years.  My mom was the best!  She was the room-mom kind of mom. She was crafty and hospitable.  She put us in matching Easter dresses and bonnets, that she made! (Like she sewed us actual clothes, that we wore - not just costumes and such - real, out in the world clothes.) When I was in high school, she was infamous for her legendary hair braiding skills - often braiding most of the heads of the very large Miami Killian Marching Cougar Band. She quilted and baked. She could do calligraphy and play the auto harp. She was just an amazing mother!   

Tomorrow is not Mother's Day. Tomorrow is May 15th. It's a big day around here. My eldest will turn 18 and we will celebrate his birthday and HS graduation with friends and family. But it also will mark the 15th year of being without my mom.  So here I sit, at the end of this fabulous  Mother's Day, full of emotions. There are so many ups and downs in life and so many times when things are uncertain, hard, or just crappy. And as I reflect, I am reminded of the last thing my mother told me.  She didn't speak to me out of her eloquence or crafty skill. She spoke out of relationship and experience. 

She was getting worse and had been taken to the hospital in Miami and I called to talk with her - it was Mother's Day. I was sad and afraid at the diagnosis and as tears began to fall, she quoted from Malachi 3.6, "The LORD, my God, does NOT change."  It didn't matter to her what anyone said or what it looked like - God was still God. It was still uncertain, hard, and crappy, but God hadn't changed.  I am so thankful for my mom and the godly example she was for me till the end. I pray everyday to be that kind of example for my boys. I'm not the most hospitable and I can't sew or braid hair, but I pray that like my mother, in everything I do, I would be an example of Jesus for my boys.

This is Living - Now

I had a super busy, exciting, difficult, awesome, wonderful, weary, heart-crushing, joy-filled weekend. One of the events of this weekend has been on the calendar (and the fridge) for months, while the other was much more last minute. Both occasions were filled with friends & family; both were extremely emotional; and the combination of the two has left me pondering life. 

My brother-in-law and his fiancé had been planning this weekend to perfectly reflect their lives and love for each other as they joined in the covenant of marriage. There was a rehearsal and ceremony, dinners, parties, travelers, speeches, baking, shopping, photos, conversations, music, and dancing. Every detail was to showcase their love for each other and to celebrate the joining of their individual lives to become one. And even in the never ending rain, their wedding was remarkable. 

A former student, who has remained very close with me, had a much different weekend. There was also planning - there was a ceremony, and dinners, travelers, speeches, shopping, conversations, baking, and music. Every detail was to honor and remember my sweet student's mother who had just passed away. And even in the never evening rain, this funeral was remarkable. 

On Saturday morning, I drove to a local church for this funeral service.  Upon entering the lobby, I spotted this precious, grieving daughter. We embraced and I told her how much I have been praying for her.  We had an authentic conversation.  Having lost my mom - but not claiming to know exactly how she felt - we talked about how these services were hard, but that having family and friends constantly around was a nice distraction that would soon be gone.  We discussed her going back to work and “real life” setting back in - a “new normal”, if you will - and how that might look and feel.  We hugged again, I kissed her head, and again, expressed my sympathy as I entered the memorial service.

With a very small respite after the funeral, I began getting ready for the wedding.  The rain had not let up - even a little - and this was supposed to be an outdoor ceremony.  This threw a big ole wrench into the venue’s plan and procedure and it weighed heavy on the heart of my soon to be sister in law.  She had picked this venue for the view outside - which was breathtaking.  Thankfully, when it was all said and done, the ceremony was able to take place on a covered porch, where the wedding party and guests alike could be sheltered from the incessant downpour, yet still be mesmerized by the scenery.  In swift, yet absolutely lovely fashion, they were pronounced “husband & wife” - and then the party began.  There was eating and drinking, singing and dancing, a ton of laughing, and tremendous love shared by all.

The stark contrast of these two events, on the same day, has caused me to really think about life and how to live it well. I believe that real living happens when we surrender our lives to Jesus.  But often, in the church world, we accept Jesus so that we can have eternal life in heaven and forget - or don’t even realize - that eternity begins now.  Living should happen now.  We shouldn't just be waiting around for death so that we can to go to heaven - or for Jesus to return in order to start living. In Christ we have purpose and direction; we have freedom and perfect love; we have everything we need to be complete - because we are now reconnected with our Creator.  

Jesus said that He came so that we would "have life and have it abundantly." (John 10.10b)  So we can live fully now - in the wedding celebrations and the funeral services - by allowing Christ to live in and through us.   Because Jesus wept with those who mourned and he rejoiced with those who celebrated. This is living now! 

Waking up knowing there’s a reason

All my dreams come alive

Life is for living with You

I’ve made my decision

See the sun now bursting through the clouds

Black and white turns to color all around

All is new, in the Savior I am found.  

This is living now.

- Hillsong Young & Free

Labels

Have you ever been labeled?  Maybe "talkative", "shy", "tall", "fat", "talented", "smart", "stupid"...Maybe something different.  Most of us don't like to be labeled - even if the label fits.  Well, I was recently labeled and no matter what happens from now on, it will be with me for the rest of my life.

In the beginning of December I went to the Dermatologist to have a suspicious skin spot looked at.  I've had this spot my whole life, but it had begun to change and grow and I knew it needed to be checked out.  The doctors didn't like it at all when they saw it and did a biopsy on it that day.  They said that they would only call if there was something wrong...you know, "no news is good news."  Well, they called a few days later.  "Surface Melanoma".  The doctors explained that it was really the "best kind of Melanoma" and immediately made plans to have it completely removed within the week.  Because it was a fairly large spot and because of the diagnosis, they cut out a WAY larger area than just the spot...just to make sure they got all the bad cells, which I absolutely appreciate.  I had 16 stitches and that entire spot and surrounding skin were sent off again to be tested.  In addition, I had 3-4 blood tests done and was sent to a radiology lab to have a chest x-ray.  Thankfully, all results came back clear and there were no cancer cells found anywhere outside of the original surface spot.

Feeling relieved, I returned about 2 weeks later to have my stitches removed.  I was so looking forward to being done with all of this - just putting it all behind me.  Well, the doctors said that "because of my history now", they wanted to do a full body check.  They then biopsied 10 more spots on my body!  And when that super pleasant experience was over, the nurse handed me my paperwork to take to the desk and there it was...at the top of the chart - Kristen R. Folsom and immediately under  my name was printed in big, bold lettering "MELANOMA".  My label. My history changed.  Before December, I didn't have a history of skin cancer and by the end of the month, I did.

Within a week of those biopsies, I got another call.  3 of those 10 spots came back with "the potential for bad cells".  So, with "my history", it was advised that those too be removed.  This was a far simpler procedure, with each one needing only 2 stitches.  All of those results came back clear.

During this whole ordeal, I've been to the Dermatologist's office about 8 times.  Every time, since the first spot was removed, I am handed my chart as I leave and I look at my label - "MELANOMA".

This has not been an easy thing to go through, but my family has been great and I have some close friends who have stood in the gap for me in prayer.  It's kind of like being in some sort of trauma or emergency situation - where when it's actually happening, you just do it.  You're brave and you fight and you stand tall and plow through.  Then it's over and you're like, "What just happened?  That was scary and awful and I don't know how I got through it."  That's kind of how I'm feeling now.  I have a clean bill of health - Praise God!  I'm not in any pain and I have a pretty wicked scar to show for it...but overall, even though I now carry a new label, the whole thing is just my "history".

God is for Me

I have recently joined a new women's Bible study and I LOVE it - for several reasons.  

First of all, it is comprised of an eclectic (used in the most honoring and loving sense of the word) group of women.    

Second, this diverse group of ladies is facilitated by an on fire, crazy for Jesus, rabbit-hole chasing, truth delivering woman.  :)

And last (although now I'm thinking that maybe this should have been first) is that we are doing a Beth Moore study!  If you know me, you know what learning under the teaching of Beth does for my soul.  It's the main reason I jumped in to do this study.  They had me at the picture of the Beth Moore book on the flyer.  

Now, I am excited about getting to know these ladies and connecting and walking out life with them - but I am also being challenged every morning as I study God's Word.  Last week came the most radical insight - thus far.  Something that I already know.  Something that is foundational.  But something that I hadn't really thought through or challenged my spirit to evaluate lately.  

The Bible says that "God is for us."   (Romans 8.31) Do you believe this?  This is the challenge I am facing.  Beth asked us to write about a time when we really knew that God was for us.  I immediately thought of a recent scary health diagnosis.  I felt as though God came along side me and fought for victory...for me.  (All future tests have come back clear.)

So as I continue on in my study book, Beth shares that we probably listed times when God brought victory on our behalf...things where the outcomes were what we had hoped for or better.  Totes.  Exactly what I wrote.  "Gold Star" for Kristen!  

BUT...then she writes, "In other words, our litmus test for whether we think God is really for us is circumstantial evidence."  

So when I don't get the job I was for sure God had for me, or the diagnosis is not good, or a relationship is in turmoil, or death comes way too soon for someone I love - God wasn't for me?  No, that can't be.  

Then Beth gave the example of parenting and great insight followed.  Many times as a parent, I have to make decisions for the sake of my boys - for their good.  They don't see it.  They think I'm mean or unreasonable or possibly even not "on their side" - not "for them".  They want to play video games all day long and not do any school. They get upset with me when I insist they set that controller down and pick up a book.  However, I know that they need more.  I'm not trying to take away something good, I'm preparing them for their future - for something better.  
Jesus said in John 13.7, "You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will."  Beth explains that God "knows when something glorious in the future necessitates something difficult in the present."  And because "He knows the glory will be worth it, God will risk being misunderstood."

It really all goes back to what inspired this blog...Furnace Walking.  God was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego as they ruled and led in the land of Babylon and He was with them in the fire.  He didn't rescue them from the fire - but He did walk with them through it. 

God was for them.  
God is for me.
God is for you!  Who can be against you?

God of the Impossible

About 4 months ago, we left the church that we had been actively serving in for over 18 years.  We felt God calling us to "go", so we stepped out in faith and are trusting that God is directing our feet. And we now find ourselves in a period of transition as we search for our new church community.

The church searching has been hard and great and weird and amazing all at the same time.  We have visited several churches and do feel that God is leading us to connect with a particular church community soon.  However, in the search and in the journey, I have just been reminded yet again of how BIG and awesome my God is. He is the God of the impossible.  Now, I know that searching for a new church family is not "impossible".  I'm not saying or even implying that.  But through the challenge of visiting and putting myself out there to meet new people who know nothing about me or my love for God's Word or my desire to teach His truth or that I'm extremely introverted and not at all a people person, I have been reminded that my God is bigger than all of this and that His plan is always big and always best.  

At this church we are currently stalking, the Pastor is teaching from Isaiah.  The first week we heard him preach, he threw out a quick challenge to read Isaiah in its entirety.  I took him up on that and am on chapter 30. So far, it's a whole lot of what God is going to do (or already did) to the nations, their people groups, and lands of the Middle East.  However, in the midst of that, a few verses have continued to come back to my thoughts over the past couple of weeks.  

In Isaiah 7, God is speaking to King Ahaz via his Prophet Isaiah.  In verse 11 God tells this King to ask Him for a sign of confirmation of all of these things that are being told.  But not just a sign...God say to "make it as difficult as you want - as high as the heavens or as deep as the place of the dead."  He says, "Ask me for an IMPOSSIBLE sign.  Something crazy and out of this world.  Something that will have to be 100% Me.  Go ahead...ask for it?"  Well, Ahaz says, "No".  He feels that this would be testing God and doesn't want to participate.  So the mouth piece of God, Isaiah, says, "Listen up!  You have exhausted human patience and now you are exhausting the patience of my God!  So the Lord Himself will give you a sign...a crazy, impossible sign.  Listen to this...'The virgin will conceive a child!  She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means 'God is with us').'" (Taken from Isaiah 7.11-14)  

God says, "Here you go.  A virgin, from whom a child would be ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE, will conceive a child.  This child will be a son and she will give birth to him and he is the Messiah, Son of God, God in flesh!"  God's sign to King Ahaz, through the mouth of Isaiah, is impossible!  This only even resonates a semblance of possibility to us because we live in the AD side of history.  This must have sounded like absolute gibberish to the King.  I would think that as the words flowed from Isaiah's lips, even he would have wondered about the 'whats' and 'hows'.  But we know that in the Gospels, the virgin Mary gives birth to the Christ child, Jesus Messiah - just as Isaiah's prophesy, God's sign, foretold.  

So as we continue to search for a church, homeschool and raise 2 young men in the way they should go, and try to live our lives in a manner worthy of the calling of Christ, I pray that we would always see God in the impossible.  I want us to remember that He is so much bigger than anything in our path.  And that if God says it, then I want us to believe that no matter how impossible it may seem, it will be done! 

This is where the blessing is - in believing God in the impossible.  
Luke 1.45 says, "You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said."  

May it be so.  

Dreaming

A good friend of mine and phenomenal Christian Fiction author, Lisa Heaton, has just published her 4th book!  I have had the absolute privilege of being a small part of the process by pre-reading for her.  Although she is always insistent that the version I read and the final copy are worlds apart, I firmly hold fast to the opinion that even her rough drafts are fantastic!  Anyway, in the wake of this newest book release, God is opening some really BIG doors for Lisa, her books, and her ministry.  It is truly inspiring to watch and humbling to have even played the tiniest part.  But as I think about her journey, opportunities, and successes, I find myself feeling a tad bit lost.  I have dreams.  BIG dreams. Dreams that I know God has given me that I have yet to see played out.  I see glimpses of what I want or where I feel God is calling me to go; but as I try to move, uncertainty seems to wash over me like a flood.  I'm pretty sure it's the way the 11 Disciples felt when Peter hoisted his leg up and over the side of the boat in his quest to meet Jesus on the stormy sea.

Then I read a post that Lisa wrote to her mom this week: 

"To my mom, 

As I sit here having my quiet time this morning, I think of you. You are my biggest cheerleader and fan! You believe in me even when I'm most discouraged. Thank you for being so proud of me and way too often telling me so. There's some need we all have within to know our parents are proud of us. You never leave me wondering. Because of you I am the crazy dreamer I am. I love you and am proud to be your daughter."


I miss this.  I need this.  

Now, don't get me wrong.  My husband is a huge "cheerleader & fan" of all that I do.  He encourages my dreaming and is even an amazing "problem solver" when it comes to doing the dreams.  But I think that there's just something about your mother being in your corner that can give you a confidence and inspiring nudge unlike anything or anyone else. 


So right now I find myself hanging out in the middle of missing my own mom and her dream inspiring in my life and trying so desperately to be that dream inspirer for my boys.  Jonah is a Junior in High School.  We are investigating colleges and majors and talking and praying daily about what God has in store for his future.  I'm hoping that everything that I say and do to this end helps him to follow hard after the dreams God has given him.  I pray that he would be more like Peter, and step out of the boat.  I remember being in his place - with the desire to pursue music and be a band director - and my mom encouraged me to go to the best school for that.  We prayed and we searched and we prayed some more and I went to college 9 hours away from home.  Crazy!  But I didn't go to college to be with my friends, or because it was the best party school, or because it was the place everyone else thought I should go, or even because it was my favorite school (Go Noles!).  I went there because it was the best Music Ed School and environment to foster and develop my dreams.  That's what I want for Jonah...because I'm his mom.  I am his biggest cheerleader and fan!  


I guess it just seems easier to encourage, support, and spur on someone else toward their dreams than to move toward my own.  And I have some new, totally different, CRAZY big dreams right now.  I know that they are from God because they're WAY outside of my comfort zone...I just wish that my dream inspiring mom was here to cheer me on.  


So to my mom, in the words of one of my favorite authors, I would say: 

As I sit here typing this blog post tonight, I think of you.  You were always my biggest cheerleader and fan!  You believed in me even when I was most discouraged.  Thank you that you were always  proud of me and way too often told me so.  There's some need we all have within to know our parents are proud of us.  You never left me wondering.  Because of you I am the crazy dreamer I am.  I love you and am proud to be your daughter.  



Now to step out of the boat...