Mother's Day

Mother's Day has been a somewhat conflicting Sunday for me for many years now. I have been a mother for about 18 yrs - but I have been without my own mother for almost 15 of those years.  My mom was the best!  She was the room-mom kind of mom. She was crafty and hospitable.  She put us in matching Easter dresses and bonnets, that she made! (Like she sewed us actual clothes, that we wore - not just costumes and such - real, out in the world clothes.) When I was in high school, she was infamous for her legendary hair braiding skills - often braiding most of the heads of the very large Miami Killian Marching Cougar Band. She quilted and baked. She could do calligraphy and play the auto harp. She was just an amazing mother!   

Tomorrow is not Mother's Day. Tomorrow is May 15th. It's a big day around here. My eldest will turn 18 and we will celebrate his birthday and HS graduation with friends and family. But it also will mark the 15th year of being without my mom.  So here I sit, at the end of this fabulous  Mother's Day, full of emotions. There are so many ups and downs in life and so many times when things are uncertain, hard, or just crappy. And as I reflect, I am reminded of the last thing my mother told me.  She didn't speak to me out of her eloquence or crafty skill. She spoke out of relationship and experience. 

She was getting worse and had been taken to the hospital in Miami and I called to talk with her - it was Mother's Day. I was sad and afraid at the diagnosis and as tears began to fall, she quoted from Malachi 3.6, "The LORD, my God, does NOT change."  It didn't matter to her what anyone said or what it looked like - God was still God. It was still uncertain, hard, and crappy, but God hadn't changed.  I am so thankful for my mom and the godly example she was for me till the end. I pray everyday to be that kind of example for my boys. I'm not the most hospitable and I can't sew or braid hair, but I pray that like my mother, in everything I do, I would be an example of Jesus for my boys.

This is Living - Now

I had a super busy, exciting, difficult, awesome, wonderful, weary, heart-crushing, joy-filled weekend. One of the events of this weekend has been on the calendar (and the fridge) for months, while the other was much more last minute. Both occasions were filled with friends & family; both were extremely emotional; and the combination of the two has left me pondering life. 

My brother-in-law and his fiancé had been planning this weekend to perfectly reflect their lives and love for each other as they joined in the covenant of marriage. There was a rehearsal and ceremony, dinners, parties, travelers, speeches, baking, shopping, photos, conversations, music, and dancing. Every detail was to showcase their love for each other and to celebrate the joining of their individual lives to become one. And even in the never ending rain, their wedding was remarkable. 

A former student, who has remained very close with me, had a much different weekend. There was also planning - there was a ceremony, and dinners, travelers, speeches, shopping, conversations, baking, and music. Every detail was to honor and remember my sweet student's mother who had just passed away. And even in the never evening rain, this funeral was remarkable. 

On Saturday morning, I drove to a local church for this funeral service.  Upon entering the lobby, I spotted this precious, grieving daughter. We embraced and I told her how much I have been praying for her.  We had an authentic conversation.  Having lost my mom - but not claiming to know exactly how she felt - we talked about how these services were hard, but that having family and friends constantly around was a nice distraction that would soon be gone.  We discussed her going back to work and “real life” setting back in - a “new normal”, if you will - and how that might look and feel.  We hugged again, I kissed her head, and again, expressed my sympathy as I entered the memorial service.

With a very small respite after the funeral, I began getting ready for the wedding.  The rain had not let up - even a little - and this was supposed to be an outdoor ceremony.  This threw a big ole wrench into the venue’s plan and procedure and it weighed heavy on the heart of my soon to be sister in law.  She had picked this venue for the view outside - which was breathtaking.  Thankfully, when it was all said and done, the ceremony was able to take place on a covered porch, where the wedding party and guests alike could be sheltered from the incessant downpour, yet still be mesmerized by the scenery.  In swift, yet absolutely lovely fashion, they were pronounced “husband & wife” - and then the party began.  There was eating and drinking, singing and dancing, a ton of laughing, and tremendous love shared by all.

The stark contrast of these two events, on the same day, has caused me to really think about life and how to live it well. I believe that real living happens when we surrender our lives to Jesus.  But often, in the church world, we accept Jesus so that we can have eternal life in heaven and forget - or don’t even realize - that eternity begins now.  Living should happen now.  We shouldn't just be waiting around for death so that we can to go to heaven - or for Jesus to return in order to start living. In Christ we have purpose and direction; we have freedom and perfect love; we have everything we need to be complete - because we are now reconnected with our Creator.  

Jesus said that He came so that we would "have life and have it abundantly." (John 10.10b)  So we can live fully now - in the wedding celebrations and the funeral services - by allowing Christ to live in and through us.   Because Jesus wept with those who mourned and he rejoiced with those who celebrated. This is living now! 

Waking up knowing there’s a reason

All my dreams come alive

Life is for living with You

I’ve made my decision

See the sun now bursting through the clouds

Black and white turns to color all around

All is new, in the Savior I am found.  

This is living now.

- Hillsong Young & Free